20 years

you are perfect in every way but i dont know if i can fall for you

you say "i love you endlessly"

but i dont know if i can love you too

maybe its just this moment in my life

maybe just this moment its right....

hygh on sky hygh dreams

Vivid feeling trespassing out from old, but still new dreams...
It's old, because they belong to a dream, new because they never were there up until now.
One night becomes a few, though this is not the first.
Often the same dream each time - in different ways, but always the same.
Nostalgia?
What are they there for, dreams? Do we dream to regain hope?
But dreams are, and remain dreams. Its not reality - least of all in this case.

sweden

im in gothenburg now, came last sunday and the weather keeps its reputation - -10 degrees celcius today. its said that it will be -20 on new year, so i doubt that there will be any partying outside of the apartment.

yesterday my company departed back to the capital. it has been a lovely stay, even if for a few hours.

my sister has recently gotten herself a rottweiler whos now six months old. very sweet and playful (sometimes a bit too much). i suppose he doesnt know how big he really is because he puts so much force when playing.

ive had a few things going on in my life and im sorry for not being able to update that well.
my job has taken over most of my daily hours. by the time i get home im exhausted.

musically, i could have done better. not so much practical work going on there. ive been talking to some people over the net about my songs and eventual collaborations so i will let you know if theres anything new.

when it comes to my future, well, ive decided to choose the social care programme for this autumn. then we shall see what happens.

stupid system is getting on my nervs.

ive been on the phone all afternoon nagging on people for help, ended up with nothing. soon i will burst and scream at everyone i meet. seriously, you can't feel safe if people who you need to rely on can't do a silly little task you expect them to.

how can companies employ stupid incompetent people without any training in service?!?!

WHATS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE REALLY

THIS COUNTRY HAS THE WORST SERVICE I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE!

no disrespect to the british, they are the most kind and wonderful people ive met but the system as a whole has a SERIOUS issue. you call someone and they re-direct you to someplace else just to get rid of you. i had to call the same office 6 times before someone gave the phone to a team leader for guidance.

OH..

and then,

i went to registrar my sister and me at the GP near the area because my sister was under the suspicion of having a viral infection (which was later on confirmed that she had) so i gave her some paracetamol and she will have to stay home from school.

anyways,

the doctor at the surgery wasn't very helpful either. i had booked an emergency appointment for my eczema and also my shoulder and hair.

she called me in and seemed to be a little irritated or something, but yeah anyways, my "inflammation" was not an "inflammation". it is a "muscle " uh... muscle... damn it, dont remember. she was just stupid and ignorant.

AH

IM MAD

IM GONNA WATCH JUDGE JUDY

CHANGES!

today i had my first day at the "fish and chips" store hahahaha wow.

better than nothing really.

and now i smell ... fish!

hahaha

i've even familiarized myself with some new fish.

but anyways, the wage is shit so im not going to stay there any longer.

my dad actually called me this morning from his work and told me that there is a job available as a dental nurse at his surgery. so i'm going to take distant courses in that area to get a certificate.

and TOMORROW IS THE NEW MOON PREMIER - AND I WILL MISS IT CAUSE IM WORKING!

DAMN IT! haha...

yeah well, thats my day. i gotta take a shower now - i stink.

PEACE AND LOVE!

Ayda

funny

life.

so many changes, i change skin and enter new phases.

all these faces seem unreal,

would i know the world for the way it is or is it actually unclear?

this late afternoon i was taking a walk thru the park and the dawn was breaking into dark and i was thinking as i watched my dog running around making his marks (lol)

how,

its funny how i've made it

and money didn't save me

honey never stood where he needed to claim me

-

now the time is mine

rise and shine

time is mine baby, rise and shine.

peace

what a waste of the day.

stupid rain. its been raining since yesterday and the weather is cold and gray.

stupid day.

STUPID DAY!

im at home again because of some stupid damn incident like this.

i hate this day i HATE IT

wuah.

wawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawwwwwww

and im sick aswell

now that just makes it better doesn't it?

gah.

stupid day.

dilemma

funny haha.

ive been loosing a lot of hair lately. i dont know why, but when i asked my dad today on our way home from the gym he told me that it might have to do with stress.

i never considered that thought, i dont think im that stressed.

but i do tend to underestimate myself sometimes. but i mean, i dont.. feel stressed?

yeah okay, i'm facing some difficulty in my personal life in regards to what i want to be doing with it but i dont know. maybe that really is a major issue and im just minimizing it..

i really feel confused, i dont know what to with my life, which way to choose and what is the best thing to do. it makes me unproductive and these past months ive been wondering around in an evil circle which has made me pretty destructive. i have ideas in my head, but nothing ever gets far enough to be put in action.

ah..

the dilemma.

but it feels good to have been working out though!

tomorrow im going to h&m's to buy me some socks! haha.

peace and love

sunday

its an early afternoon and its been raining all morning. the perfect sunday.

i really do love the rain, its so cosy.

my body is all sore from the training yesterday. especially

my back and belly, but it feels really good. did i tell you we arranged a membership at the gy

m now? its great! they even have a basketball court you ca

n book time and play. and my dad has also put me and my younger sister

in tennis practice.

then

we got home, and finally went to the re

staurant (we never went last time)

on

our way home..

(lol i just wanted you to check out the shoes HAHA)