if i was a dog

I FEEL SICK TO THE CORE!

i forgot to write my entry last - or okay - i was too lazy.

basically the dream was about me being part of some wolf pack that lived in the snowy mountains and the wolf leader was a friend who was going to give me a baby.

when i got my baby it looked just like me when i was younger and i started crying so hard that when i woke up i has moisture in my eyes hahaha. it was really wierd.

my mom says that it means something good, but i dont know, it hurt a lot in my chest.

i was walking my dog just now which is usually that time for me to think a little. i was watching him sniffing after the foxes we have loose in the area and he had stopped to sniff on a trail before he pisses on it and i was thinking, if i was a dog life would be so much easier.

with that said im going to finish up drinking my usual glass of baileys and make myself ready for bed

gn

Lauryn Hill . Listened to her album on my way home from work. Love her.

TALK ABOUT F*CKING WEIRD DREAMS

SHIT!

im at work right now, i had the weirdest dream ever, ill tll you more when i get home

x

Someone asked to know who wrote the song on my previous entry; Her name is Jessie. She is 21 years old and is a singer/songwriter from Essex in UK.

A lovely voice, here is the song shes singing live, she has some mad pipes.

Heres another song she wrote, "big white room"

Really recommend to listen to these.

I checked her up on myspace aswell (click here)

She has now got a record deal with Universal Republic in the uk.

Shes gonna be HUGE.

Check her out.

Technology

ive left you

20 missed calls

6 messages your voicemails full

ill call you back, call you back, later...

something in my brain pulls on my heart

dailing the number the ringing starts

you say "i know baby, ill call you back later"

a text feels like ive kissed you

a phonecall is like youre here

waiting for you to come on the webpage baby

but thats not love when you're in love no, its nowhere near

cuz i feel like im in love with technology

looking at the computer screen

and baby what do you mean to me oh?

was this ever real?

cuz i, feel like im in love with technology

click and i see you face

click click, and i look away

can i really love you?

i dont know...

when i first saw you

i added you as my friend

dont be a stranger

tell me was that pretend?

see how can i feel the way i feel

but i keep telling myself, skype isnt real

i feel like im in love with technology

baby what do you mean to me?

was this ever real?

tell me

was this ever real?

Just a lil Poem I wrote 2 years ago...

January 8th 2010

No more "I Love You"'s.

Time just makes me more confused

Broken and used, bruised and abused

I've had it with this shit now, I've got no more to loose

I still "Walk around at night feeling weak"

The pain still, makes it hard to speak

Yea I know I have lost my mind, I'm drifting through

time

This place, your face, it leaves traces - I can't leave my mind no other space it's like its possesed

And I've had it with you,

Now I'm gonna pull it through

Tell me the truth, tell me what was I supposed to do

You left me waiting up all night like a crazy fool and feeling lonely and blue

Why? I don't have a clue

I was and I am stuck into you - just like glue - but where were you leading me to, not even you knew

Times of affection were far too few so baby I'm sorry to tell you but we are through!

Now don't get me wrong you know that I love you

But I just can't deal with it no longer

I gotta hold on to that little pride thats left and rebuild myself stronger

Honey I've been here before

A boy trapped inside a mans body, I can't take it no more

All the screaming and shouting just made my throat mor

e sour

Times spent crying on the bedroom floor now I'm up leaving the door

So don't tell me I didn't try to complete the mission

Baby, it was YOU that put us into this position

The selfleaded execution

So this is my last goodbye

And no it aint no lie

That you weren't man enough to be my guy

baileys

two nights ago, i had a dream i was getting married.

i had my wedding dress on me, it was white and long, to my feet.

i dont remember much of who it was i was getting married to - but i was always in a hurry to make sure i get myself there. first, i needed to do the make-up, and for that i was searching all around a huge mall for a toilet, which i eventually found.

i had asked someone there what hour im getting married and this someone said it would around midnight, and i was very late because i was still in the toilet and the clock was already 12.00.

i ran out of the toilet and rushed myself to the party where the wedding was being held.

i remember running up these very wide stairs. veery wide - as if your approacing the king of china or something and need to walk up stairs a la grande. at the top there was a big fancy floor and everyone was there.

i didnt pay much attention to more details, i only know i went towards the man i was gonna marry, but as i was going towards him, i woke up.

anyways, enough of my weird dreams.

ive just been at home today, playing around with my new midi (!) on garageband ;)

im gonna DL Logic Studio and hopefully elevate myself to a more advanced programme.

i also bout a new desk so i could have place for the midi.

damn the baileys gotten me a lil tipsy haha

im listening to Kumomi by Nujabes. Check out that wicked producer from japan (i think). He makes great hiphop tracks out of samples from like jazz songs. One song is even from a japanese animation called Mystline. So yeah, check that out...

OK, my parents are home now, they rented a movie from BLOCKBUSTERS YEAH! lol, so imma go and watch it.

take care in the meanwhile (K)

i just had someone commenting me about my last entry on that part where i said that - dreams remain dreams.

this person told me that it depends on how strong your will is, which is true, though what i meant in particular did not apply to that.

but it does depend on the situation

sometimes its out of your hands

sometimes that is the end of the road

and you have to accept that fact and move on

i had another one telling me that he wasn't sure weather reality is a dream, or that the dream is reality.

what if that was true?

maybe this life is a dream, maybe the real life comes after this....

i dont believe in god.

if there was a god, he must be one selfish type of thing.

why create us, when we are born to suffer? i suppose he wanted us to, because he felt like he got some kind of pleasure from his side by doing so.

anyways, enough about god.

yesterday i was reading up a few of my songs from the early part of my writing, and then i found a folder with a few diary entries from last august.

feels weird to have read them.

ok gotta sleep now, work tomorrow.

goodnight.

20 years

you are perfect in every way but i dont know if i can fall for you

you say "i love you endlessly"

but i dont know if i can love you too

maybe its just this moment in my life

maybe just this moment its right....

hygh on sky hygh dreams

Vivid feeling trespassing out from old, but still new dreams...
It's old, because they belong to a dream, new because they never were there up until now.
One night becomes a few, though this is not the first.
Often the same dream each time - in different ways, but always the same.
Nostalgia?
What are they there for, dreams? Do we dream to regain hope?
But dreams are, and remain dreams. Its not reality - least of all in this case.