sweden

im in gothenburg now, came last sunday and the weather keeps its reputation - -10 degrees celcius today. its said that it will be -20 on new year, so i doubt that there will be any partying outside of the apartment.

yesterday my company departed back to the capital. it has been a lovely stay, even if for a few hours.

my sister has recently gotten herself a rottweiler whos now six months old. very sweet and playful (sometimes a bit too much). i suppose he doesnt know how big he really is because he puts so much force when playing.

ive had a few things going on in my life and im sorry for not being able to update that well.
my job has taken over most of my daily hours. by the time i get home im exhausted.

musically, i could have done better. not so much practical work going on there. ive been talking to some people over the net about my songs and eventual collaborations so i will let you know if theres anything new.

when it comes to my future, well, ive decided to choose the social care programme for this autumn. then we shall see what happens.

stupid system is getting on my nervs.

ive been on the phone all afternoon nagging on people for help, ended up with nothing. soon i will burst and scream at everyone i meet. seriously, you can't feel safe if people who you need to rely on can't do a silly little task you expect them to.

how can companies employ stupid incompetent people without any training in service?!?!

WHATS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE REALLY

THIS COUNTRY HAS THE WORST SERVICE I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE!

no disrespect to the british, they are the most kind and wonderful people ive met but the system as a whole has a SERIOUS issue. you call someone and they re-direct you to someplace else just to get rid of you. i had to call the same office 6 times before someone gave the phone to a team leader for guidance.

OH..

and then,

i went to registrar my sister and me at the GP near the area because my sister was under the suspicion of having a viral infection (which was later on confirmed that she had) so i gave her some paracetamol and she will have to stay home from school.

anyways,

the doctor at the surgery wasn't very helpful either. i had booked an emergency appointment for my eczema and also my shoulder and hair.

she called me in and seemed to be a little irritated or something, but yeah anyways, my "inflammation" was not an "inflammation". it is a "muscle " uh... muscle... damn it, dont remember. she was just stupid and ignorant.

AH

IM MAD

IM GONNA WATCH JUDGE JUDY

CHANGES!

today i had my first day at the "fish and chips" store hahahaha wow.

better than nothing really.

and now i smell ... fish!

hahaha

i've even familiarized myself with some new fish.

but anyways, the wage is shit so im not going to stay there any longer.

my dad actually called me this morning from his work and told me that there is a job available as a dental nurse at his surgery. so i'm going to take distant courses in that area to get a certificate.

and TOMORROW IS THE NEW MOON PREMIER - AND I WILL MISS IT CAUSE IM WORKING!

DAMN IT! haha...

yeah well, thats my day. i gotta take a shower now - i stink.

PEACE AND LOVE!

Ayda

funny

life.

so many changes, i change skin and enter new phases.

all these faces seem unreal,

would i know the world for the way it is or is it actually unclear?

this late afternoon i was taking a walk thru the park and the dawn was breaking into dark and i was thinking as i watched my dog running around making his marks (lol)

how,

its funny how i've made it

and money didn't save me

honey never stood where he needed to claim me

-

now the time is mine

rise and shine

time is mine baby, rise and shine.

peace

what a waste of the day.

stupid rain. its been raining since yesterday and the weather is cold and gray.

stupid day.

STUPID DAY!

im at home again because of some stupid damn incident like this.

i hate this day i HATE IT

wuah.

wawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawwwwwww

and im sick aswell

now that just makes it better doesn't it?

gah.

stupid day.

dilemma

funny haha.

ive been loosing a lot of hair lately. i dont know why, but when i asked my dad today on our way home from the gym he told me that it might have to do with stress.

i never considered that thought, i dont think im that stressed.

but i do tend to underestimate myself sometimes. but i mean, i dont.. feel stressed?

yeah okay, i'm facing some difficulty in my personal life in regards to what i want to be doing with it but i dont know. maybe that really is a major issue and im just minimizing it..

i really feel confused, i dont know what to with my life, which way to choose and what is the best thing to do. it makes me unproductive and these past months ive been wondering around in an evil circle which has made me pretty destructive. i have ideas in my head, but nothing ever gets far enough to be put in action.

ah..

the dilemma.

but it feels good to have been working out though!

tomorrow im going to h&m's to buy me some socks! haha.

peace and love

sunday

its an early afternoon and its been raining all morning. the perfect sunday.

i really do love the rain, its so cosy.

my body is all sore from the training yesterday. especially

my back and belly, but it feels really good. did i tell you we arranged a membership at the gy

m now? its great! they even have a basketball court you ca

n book time and play. and my dad has also put me and my younger sister

in tennis practice.

then

we got home, and finally went to the re

staurant (we never went last time)

on

our way home..

(lol i just wanted you to check out the shoes HAHA)

my friday afternoon

i slept late last night, i think around 4.30 am - and my dad woke me up this morning at 9am saying that the guy who fixing the curtains was going to arrive soon, and i needed to get up since he was going to come into my room. ah. i hate to wake up early in the mornings.

anyways, we decided to go to town, my mom wanted

to buy curtains cause the deal we were offered with the guy who came by today didnt work out.

i also sent in my application form to block busters video store (LOL) and will be starting to apply for more vacancies soon.

heres some pics!

another day

On my way to the JobCentre.

My bus stop haha

The pathway to my house

Känn dig träffad Big M!

195

Love you

NEW VIDEO!

Ayda - DamDiDam (Original Music by Ayda)

I just got off the phone and thought i'd write a quicky.

been at the gym today, first time in soo long! it feels real good.

my body akhes from the training haha, but i just find it nice, i feel healthy haha.

i brought the camera to take some pictures but my dad forgot to take pictures, so ull just have to use ure imagination haha

enrique - take my breath away click here to download!

im extreemly exhausted

gonna take a nap before we eat at the restauant

By the way, do join my FACEBOOK GROUP

(click it)

Simply Aydio

It's real cool

Invite your friends to join as well!

Thats the challenge of the week

Haha, no but seriously

Spread the love!

Peace

Finally!

went to london for an interview at the job centre today.

since i need to be eligible for a job, im

required to have a national insurance number, and that was what i went to request today.

i know, its going so slow, and you're probably wondering why i am dragging out on the process so much. honestly, i, myself dont know why really. well i do know WHY, but thats not really an excuse. or maybe it is. NO! it shouldnt be. haha. thinking out loud again.

but the interview went well eitherway , and i should have my NI no. within four weeks.

haha, my first job application will be at blockbuster (the video rental shop) HAHAHAHA oh lord - shoot me.

but better than nothing i presume + its close to my house.

london underground on my way in the train...

oh yeah, did i tell you i have eksema?

its really nasty. well, not nasty, but my arms, mouth, my throat, and the area around my eyes are red, dry and itchy - so i can't really wear any make-up at the moment.

it usually becomes that way during wintertime...

really annoying stuff.

take a look at this pic & you'll se that my eyes are a bit swollen on the lid and under the eye.

well well then. with that said, im off to bed now, times 1.32 in the morning and tomorrow im off the to the gym for the first time in .... 2 years! GOD! i need to get my fitness going... hmmm

ciao!

Just wanted to show you what I had for lunch today. It's something my mom made up. She gave me a sample of the meat and then asked me what kind of meat it was. Whichever animal I said was wrong. In the end she told me it was TOFU! lol hahaha, it tasted exactly like any meat. I dont know what the other thing to the left is called, but it was really good as well, along with the potatoes dipped in cream fresh sauce. gah, im hungry again, gotta eat some carrots now.

hello

today is a good day, and better than the last entry i wrote.

im at home, as usual. sitting on my desk writing and listenting to Clair De Lune by Debussy. this is my absolute favorite version of it by Ronan O'hora. i've been listening to it on the cd i got from my 14h birthday i believe it was. Listen to it;

i've been feeling sooo passive the passive lately, havnt been looking for a job, searched for courses to take, i havnt even been writing music. i hate feeling so... UNPRODUCTIVE!

i've been recording sooo many times for youtube, but it just gets wrong each time, and i end up not uploading it hahaha. SO DONT THINK I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING, its just that i want it to be perfect for you haha :)

i've been working on so many songs now but it very difficult to proceed sometimes because i feel so limited. i dont really mean to complain or anything. its just that it sometimes feels hard doing everything on my own all the time. the reason im it is that way is because its hard to find someone who understands, and is on the same level as i am.

i gave people a try but eventually stopped bothering after a few attempts haha

However in the meantime, i have made my new moon song downloadable - so if you want you can download it here:)

im off now, the whole house is freaking cold now because all the elements are broken or w/e, my hands are getting really cold atm.

ciao!

i feel so bad right now my arms feel lifeless and heavy as im writing.

what a screw up. when i finally meet someone great, i somehow always mess it up.

Im BACK

been a while now.

i'm sorry for my ignorance and i guess there really is'nt any excuse to it.

haha, i feel like a naughty student who forgot to do her homework lol.

i had my first gig in the uk almost 2 weeks ago. and i've also met some really nice belgian guys based in north london who wrote to me on youtube, offering me free studio time.

this way i can finally start recording some songs and make a nice demo.

autumn has arrived now i can smell it ; chilly morning breezes and a lot of rain.

i usually walk my dog in a nice park in the mornings, and ive noticed the leaves are falling from the trees.

i havnt been writing as much for the past couple of weeks because, well ive had... a distraction.

haha. wont say more! but it feels really good.

check out the gig (video above) by the way.

leave a comment?

thanks

In case you had missed this one out ...

A dear friend of mine from Canada - Nima - had a song which he wanted me to sing on. A wonderful person who has helped support me a lot in my music.
This is the acoustic version of it, if you want to dowload the original one, its here;

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=3PR6APUU

A bit different than what I usually do, though I had a real fun time recording this song.

• ive been filling out application forms for jobs now and tomorrow im off to find the nearest job centre to request a national insurance number. apparently you need one of those when applying.

i didnt sleep much last night, was awake up until 8.30 am when my parents went for work.

another... interesting night.

well im sitting in my room right now with a cup of extremely nice tea and some banana chips

and im soon about to watch revolutionary road with my parents.

i had someone asking me for a few suggestions to songs to post on my blog so here are a few good ones before i leave that i strongly recommend anyone who's interested in slow music to take a listen to;

• Asa - Jailer (newest artist on my playlist! real cool song)

• Bon Iver - Blood Bank

• Bon Iver - Lump Sum (I listened to this song everytime I was talking a walk at night in Sweden, really weary)

• Coldplay - Green eyes

• Raphael Saadiq - Lets Take A Walk (Not as slow as the others, real nice funk!)

• Jeff Buckley - Everyone Here Wants you (this is my favorite song by Jeff Buckley, really sexy. If you havnt heard about him yet you really should)

• Diana Kral - The Girl In The Other Room (amazing jazz, really sets up a laid-back mood)

• Fleet Foxes - Blue Ridge Mountains (I love this band from Seattle, they have a very unique style, if you like this song then i'd suggest you listen to their whole album!)

• John Legend - I Love You and Take me away Love (classic)

• Fiest - La Sirena (looovely!)

i will go on forever if you'd let me, but i think this is good for now :)

let me know what you thought

heres some candy with diana kral - little girl blue

funny how things you thought didn't matter any more still has the power to impact you. or how one small gesture can change everything.

how small things, like saying hello, complementing your hair, giving a smile or telling someone you miss her can change so much.

i just felt like i needed to let something out and voila, i came up with a melody, it sounds different from my previous songs. very slow, very confusing (if you think im abstract in my songs - which i am - you will not make much sense of this one either.

but it still does make sense in a way. a song doesn't need to make sense, it still has a story to tell - but in in its own way. thats what makes it original, different.

anyways im really tired now. off to bed. more philosophy lessons tomorrow thank you very much and goodbye lol

ok... mentally freaking out right now and its giving me physical effects now too. damn it i need to calm down and breath

WHEN DOES IT END?!

to the kid from the sky

i guess after so long...

im finally starting to see things better

and something i think im realizing is

that you never really stood where i was

and i suppose its not your fault you never did

but i think im alright with that, or that i will be

ill just know that i wont give more than what i get

i knew though, that something like this was eventually going to happen

you. heading straight on, and you seem to make it so easy too

me im. better

but i wont say it hasnt had me going still

that was why the move was so hard on me because i felt alone and left behind

mostly by you

and it is mostly true because you sort of did at the time but i cant blame all that on you either, we needed that time apart.

anyway, i dont like talking about that.

thing was i really thought you did care

but what ive learned is that love has no limits

maybe you weren't ready for it

i wish you were

i dont feel like i know you now and the person you were before was someone different

the things that made you special

as if the mild curves has become sharp edges

ah fuck this maybe i didnt know you at all hahaha

but you got what you wanted now, i got that all the way from june 09 so help yourself

shit this message feels so f*ckin repetitive

i need to go eat now

ciao

i woke up just five minutes ago. what weird dreams i had.

weird as in totally irrelevant and confusing. many of the last things i dreamt was supposed to be things i remembered from my childhood. except that, those things never really happened. i dreamt of my friends' babybrother (whom ive never even met) and we were stuck together under water in some old building. but being under water wasnt an issue, i still could breath under it! haha weird. we eventually got out because we knew what key to use in order to unlock the "code" under water. lol so weird! it sounds so silly but i had to write it down. whats even more weird is what i dreamt after that. i cant remember how but suddenly i was at a really young age and we were playing football at a green and muddy field somewhere and i was in love with a boy. i cant really remember what happened inbetween other than the fact that this boy really tried to irritate me all the time and one day i "beat" him by taking down this flag from a pillar and everybody where cheering. then i was older and he was too. and we were together? a gathering of some sort- a wedding? everybody were happy...

i can only say we were together by the way he made me feel and the way he looked at me. its funny because ive never seen this man in my life (white, cherry lips, well equipped physic, tall and kind, which was totally opposite from when we were younger...)in the end of the gathering his fathers ex wife (his mom) had come and his father was suddenly so . this guy (i cant remember his name) said something that sounded like "dad has got his favorite drug again, look at him"

then we went out from some big brown two-doored gate and i suddenly hugged him and started crying because i was so happy.

the last thing i dreamt was when me and my family were just about to buy a big bucket of ice-cream mmm hahaha!

if anyone knows how to interpret dreams please let me know what that meant lol, id like to know.

oh my

my oh my

It has been a very... unusual week-end i must say. enlightening. My parents have just gotten back from Sweden, and ive learned how to make soup (and gotten pretty good at doing so)! we've been eating soup for the past 4 days now hahaha, my sisters getting sick at it. i should try out something new. but tomorrow. hmmm

i need to a job soon. gotta fix my CV and start making some money so i can get my driving license (first priority)

ive been wanting to visit my grandma in turkey for a while as well, maybe ill go there this autumn. i just need to get my life in order first. cant mess it up now...

with you i could try,

but i could never be unselfish enough because

i'd only want you for myself.

im working on a new video. will post it up as soon as im done with it, (hopefully tonight!).

so im off to it now

talk soon.

one warm second it's suddenly gone

the wall

you say you love

when you really dont

do you know love, the unlimited love

the kind of love that has sacrifice?

i loved you love, without fear, fear for the ice

now my fuel has no gas

im missing out on my diesel

not the new one but the old one

i miss the before not the after

the fragrance still lies around spread across my mind

a reminder of another life

i guess

after moments of nothing you eventually fade away

but walls dont talk

dont they?

---

if this second was your life

what would you do?

If this second was your life

I would love you

if this second was your life

would you love me?

if this second was my life
I would happily die

did you long for summertime
when you were growing up?

one warm second it's suddenly gone

gone .

i wanna know what its like...

no more time to waste

theres is so little time, i feel like im wasting it, feels like time is just not enough.

i really do think that whatever in life we find worth living for is worth the risks involved.

i mean, if you feel like doing something then just do it. dont regret anything you do. choices you make will lead you to where you are now and you wont have to think back later on and wish you would have done things in a different way.

sometimes, some things dont make sense, and we cant really explain why in our hearts it does. you just gotta follow that gut feeling. we really dont have time to waste to hesitate upon things we face, hesitating just hinders us from living life.

im almost 20 years old and i still dont know the meaning of life. i mean alright, get an education, love my family and treat people as you want to be treated yourself. eventually find someone and settle down, build a family and then what? what happens then? what happens when you reach your dreams and find out that it wasnt what you expected it to be and you find yourself lost without any goals? i mean from a bigger picture, whats the point in it? to be happy to be sad...

everything is in motion because of the competition people have with one another. who has the better job, who has a house, a dog, who has biggest breasts.

man is greedy, we always strive for more, never satisfied enough. but atleast its getting us somewhere, although greed can cause us a lot of misery too.

well i dont know... maybe you could share your opinion? i mean, anything.

i will be catching up with my history lessons this weekend, starting out with south america.

a friend of mine told me a few interesting things about the history of his country colombia and the neighboring countries in latin america.

this is him by the way =) haha his name is isaac. hes a real nice person.

off to bed now, goodnight .

A map is more unreal
Than where you've been
Or how you feel
And it's impossible to tell
How important something was
And what you might have missed out on
And how it might have changed it all

And did I, miss out on you?

I was out for a drink in a soho bar
The air was smoked out liked a cheap cigar
He rose out of his seat like a painted ghost
He was the man that I wanted the most

And as he reached for my arm I gave him my hand
I said 'Lay me down easy let me understand'
Let me sign

As I walked through the door he was still in my head
As I entered the room he was laid there in bed
He reached out for me all twisted in black
I was on my way down, never coming back
Let me sign

Can't fight the devil so just let me sign.

hello

ive just gotten back from my almost two week holiday break from the internet!

lol. i'll tell you, it is much harder to live without our modern technology than what it used to be haha. i found it very difficult, especially since we don't have anything better to do except for cleaning and unpacking things in the new house.

it had only been exacly 14 days and i've had nearly 300 emails (mostly from youtube <3)

anyways, during this time i have been working on a few songs now, and i am trying to put something nice together for my fellow followers on youtube!

will be posting it up as soon as im done editing some bits and pieces.

i wrote a song on the 6th of sep and starting recording on it yesterday where i added some tombak and finger snap, some decent harmonies and sick lyrics. hahaha i hope u'll like it cuz im REALLY EXCITED about it!

ya im getting pretty tired atm, i have a few other things to tell you as well but i'll save that for later ;)

ciao

copied out of Perez Hiltons blog

Oh boy, oh boy! Get excited Twilighters! We're hearing from an actual cast member that there should be THREE more Twilight movies coming our way after New Moon!

Recently casted Boo Boo Stewart (yes, that's really his name, and, no, he isn't related to K-Stew) spilled the beans in a recent interview that as far as he knows, the big wigs are planning on five total Twilight movies.

With only four books, that suggests two options. The more likely option is that the final novel, Breaking Dawn, will be turned into two films, something that author, Stephenie Meyer has suggested.

The second, more exciting option, could be that a whole new story may be in the works for another film/book. How much would you Twilighters love that?!

By the way, Boo Boo will be playing Seth Clearwater, the youngest boy in the werewolf pack.

theres something about tonight, the air feels so sweet on my tong, warm and dense. it wasnt even chilly as it usually gets at night.

i was out walking my dog a bit in the neighborhood, had totally forgot about the time when i saw how dark it was outside.

i like how quiet it gets though at late hours and no one else is outside.

you could see the stars very clearly tonight.

just finished watching "catch me if you can" - fantastic film - i recommend it.

well apart from that i dont have anything else to share with you

oh yeah! i also started recording on my song earlier this evening. i think i'll make a video of it.

talk soon

x

New Song !

Hey guys,

I've just uploaded a new song on Youtube today :)

Check me up

beautiful like a rainbow

im listening to true colors cover by ane brun, a norwegian singer.

2day its raining. thank god for that haha, ive missed the rain. i was walking my dog when it first started pouring haha soaking me and my dog kara. we took shelter in the woods which seemed to look even more green in the rain.

i wanna walk out into it again

im gonna go eat a little now and prepare karas meal as well.

write again soon

x

the reason to why im so obsessed with TWILIGHT!

time is almost 5 am and i just finished watching twilight.

im so excited for new moon, i hope the budged they have made out will be put to make it better than the first sequel , some effects they have made look so artificial.

i was listening to let me sign in the end when edward is sucking out the venom out of bellas wrist. it brings out weird emotions, i keep thinking of myself and where i was during that time when i saw the film for the first time.

and where i am now. it reminds me of how i felt and what i was dealing with. and so when i listen to that songi can practically feel how i felt in a way that i cant really explain.

its almost like im realizing now how badly depressed i was at the time.

i dont know what else would have saved me from it but reading those books did it. couldnt have found a better way to distract myself.

anyways...

im off to bed, well i am literally in my bed right now haha - i need to wake up early today i slept to much last time.

gn mwah

the first love

im lying on my bed now and writing. i've put my computer on the floor and have just finished watching a film starring robert pattinson called How to Be.

very.. weird film. the boy feels so lonely and unloved. all he wants is for his parents to show him some affection but it seems that everybody just keeps neglecting him and he feels more lonely than ever.

wow i wonder if i will ever get that lonely.

i bet i wont ever find me someone who would love me, things like that just never happens.

but i do wish.

hah. huh. maybe im just one of those unfortunate people who will just be unhappy in the end. that would be so typical me. my miserable life - with a dramatic ending

anyways, i was just thinking of my friend - as i was having my analytical moment about the future. its a guy i know that was together with a girl his age and they were in love with each other when they were 17. but the catch was that she wasnt allowed to be with him because her family didnt approve of their relationship. anyways, they tried for a year or so, but it got really hard and so they ended up breaking up.

he told me he didnt have any other choice and that he only wanted her to be happy.

today its been 5 years and he says he still feels the same about her.

his first love

what if you never get over it? what if you wont find someone as amazing as that person your heart desires is?

am i being too corny again? i think its the late hour. i usually start saying weird things around this time.

why do people say that the eyes reflect our soul? can anyone answer that question?

seriously, take a minute to just think about the meaning of it. i just did.

----

i just took another minute haha.

i'd want to stare into someones eyes right now. have it ever occurred to you how beautiful eyes are? maybe eyes are honest, if you ever take your time to look into someones eyes you'll notice how deep some peoples eyes are. as if theres some hidden secrete beneath. things we dont usually tell anyone, but you can see the mind that lies behind the eyes.

im gonna watch twilight now, and then go to bed. my mom and dad are leaving to sweden tomorrow to visit my sister and bring home my other sister nina back.

goodnight for now

i wonder what secrets you have, would i ever get to hear them from you again?

2 down 2 to go

oh damndamndamn! this exam KILLED ME it was SO HARD! :O

SHIT! AND THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE EASIEST ONE!
AHHHH hahahahhahaha its so insane i think im gonna die, or no i cant even be bothered to die right now im just too tired even for that its too much of an effort i slept 3 hours last night and tonight wont be any better from what ive just experienced today i would predict a very catastrophic day tomorrow...

sitting in the library again, i wish i could take a picture of all the staring hindues but that would be rude of me
NOT THAT THEY CARE CUZ THEY ARE RUDE ENOUGH TO STARE DAMN IT
hahahahaha omg good bye